Break of One Epoch
by Katerina

Everything will finish in several minutes. Finally, we will get out of here. Who knows, what follows the Death? It is not essential, if it is infinite light or infinite darkness. But there will be surely calm. SILENCE! Why is the mob shouting so? They are like wild animals. And my head is almost crazy. I try to not perceive them, but it is not very possible. I mustn´t submit to the weakness now, I have to stay conscious till the end. Just to withstand these several moments… Today is such hot weather… I am looking at Antoine - he is so firm also at such occasion. He plucks up my courage - by his poise, by his sight. I can not say to him, how I appreciate his friendship. I am looking at him and I know, that words are not necessary, I can read the understanding in his eyes… Only he didn´t betray me, perhaps he was never in doubt about our truth. His belief in the Republic is great, greater than mine. I was often in doubt, but I have never told anybody - not even him. However, he was comprehending something during the last days… I didn´t want to destroy his conviction. Sometimes I thought, he was too dependent on his vision of the perfect world. So many times before, I asked myself, if we had chosen the right way. But there is no other way for us. The Revolution is going to die with us… Yesterday, after what had happened in the townhall, I thought, I hoped I was dead. Neither do I know how long a time I spent unconscious. However, I came round with extreme pain in my jaw, which assured me that I was still alive. I was in the office of Commitee of Public Safety, where we had decided about the salvage of Republic so often. I was not able to move my head, let alone to speak. The blood was everywhere… In the morning, when the sun was passing into the gray room, they brought my friends. They looked at me curiously, but nobody were speaking. Augustin was also there - my little brother. He had jumped out of the window; he wanted to kill himself, but it failed. Phillipe was more succesful. Although, is it possible to call a suicide a success? He had shot his brain out of his head… They all are in such troubles due to me? They didn´t have to die. It should be enough, if I would die myself, in order to save the ideals of the Revolution. I had felt, I was losing my consciousnes… Opening my eyes again, I saw the caring look of Antoine above me. It even seemed to me, that I caught sight of the tears on his face. He smiled sadly and he tried to not display his emotion. But his famous composure disappeared. Maybe, he was afraid, that I had already left him here alone. Suddenly I understood, that Antoine couldn´t be alive without the hope and without the belief in Republic, which we had strived for. He feels like me about this point. In the world, full of envy and treason, where virtue has no more force to defy… nor have I more force, I am so tired. We had been fighting for long, too long time. Now, everything is over, though the world has the chance yet. People are not all corrupted. One day, they will see it through… but I will not wait so long… How long it will continue yet? It is a pity, that I can not say to them all, what I feel… say to my friends, how I appreciate them… say to people, how it angers me, how readily they were misled from the way to the better life, it angers me, that they will suffer again as long as they will listen to those traitors of revolution - of their saintly Revolution! I believe, they will recognize the truth one day and they will realise, that I wanted always their good… and what to say to the enemies? Their triumph will not last forever. People are good and they will realize soon, that they are governed by the wrong citizens. Finally, they will do away with them, as they did with the king - the tyrant… The way is ending. We are reaching the square. I am very thirsty… I have to last out the end. I am parting with my friends by sight, as they are going up the steps of the scaffold. I have to go as the last one, they probably want me to see everybody to die. Although, could I ask that from anybody of my friends?… They are already gone. I climb the steps and I have to remember… my childhood, my mother, who I loved so much. She left me too early, but we will meet in a while again… I remember my studies, and Camille… perhaps he forgave me…. I remember all these past years, so important for us… and I remember Antoine… they called him the Angel of Death, maybe he was really an angel… he is waiting for me………..